Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Very Clever Mozart: For Not Having Mohammeds Head In The Original Production Of Idomeneo


As all the world now knows, Berlins Deutsche Oper closed a production of Mozarts perennially harmless opera Idomeneo, because of incalculable risk due to a threat from a Muslim group or individual over the directors decision to include a scene in which the heads of Mohammed, Jesus, and Budda are ...

Brighten Your Day and Enlighten Your Life


George Bernard Shaw once said that if you find something funny search it for hidden truth. Here are few pearls of wisdom packaged in humour. Enjoy. 1. You wouldn't worry what people thought about you if you only knew how seldom they did. 2. To expect life to treat you ...

Oil Update From Bp: A Bear Ate The Pipeline


Earlier reports that BP closed its Alaska pipeline due to corrosion have turned out to be erroneous. The company, noticing growing rancor that it would allow such a vital link to corrode to the point of desuetude, altered its story, saying that subsequent examination revealed that the leaks were due ...

Paris Hilton Reacts to Barry Bonds Steroid Scandal


*** 3 Jokes about Barry Bonds on Steroids *** NEW BOOK CLAIMS TO HAVE PROOF BONDS USED STEROIDS When the media asked if he would read the book, Bonds responded by ripping the 352 page book in half. The hardcover edition. Then he removed his Nike baseball cleats, put on ...

YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY


Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.<strong>YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY</strong>While many disparage the advent of glitches in our wired world, the only way to find solace and sanity is to return to the ancient teachings.Haiku, (a Japanese style of poetry), offers readers a way to experience the daily dilemmas ...

Rant of Underpaid Copywriter


I have been so busy doing my job as a writer that I have not had time to write anything. It is a personal conundrum. It is great being busy and making money. However, working as copywriter can jade a writer about being a writer. But since there are so ...

Self-Centered Ebay Sellers Suck


It is harder these days to find folk who have no experience with Ebay than those who do. With people around the world visiting the site 40 million times daily, it is arguably the biggest business phenomena of the 21st century--and still growing. Our household has a store on Ebay, ...

Just Dialogue 2


Just Dialogue 2 By Punkerslut It's all jus' dialogue! The Darwin E-mail Incident I was talking online, bashing Creationists, Catholics, and anyone else who was easily offended by the anatomically correct word for fucking, and a mysterious dilemma unfolded. The first five or so lines actually occured, and inspired me ...

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY ALL YOU MERRY MUTTS!


Copyright The Quipping Queen 2006. GUNG HAY FAT CHOY ALL YOU MERRY MUTTS! Or, time to kowtow to bow-wow and how! Theolonius McTavish, a dansey-headed, deep-musing, do-it-yourself dendranthopologist, (better known as one who's just descended from the Tree of Knowledge to learn that it's time to pay tribute to man's ...

Dice Sports Games That Are Fun; the Pro Football Game.


This is the next installment in a world of incredibly fun sports games played with dice. In the first installment I taught you how to play the college version of Dice Football. That was the simplest of all my dice sports games. Now it is time to start getting a ...

Female, Horny, Middle Aged and behaving Badly


Female, Horny, Middle Aged and Behaving Badly As a woman - I am often surprised to find that many of us do not seem to be in touch with our sensuality or sexuality. Or maybe its because we are not willing to admit to having such feelings - no wonder ...

Barry Michaels-Radio is My Life!


Thirty year broadcast veteran Barry Michaels, ('Michaels In The Morning') has quite a few stories to tell! His early life was an idyllic one, growing up on picturesque farm land in the southeastern United States, with a Mom and Dad to admire and a support group of aunts and uncles ...

Bob Hope Wasn #39;t The Only One Who Used Idiot Cards


When Bob Hope moved into television, he lost the opportunity to hold his script in his hand , something he had gotten used to working in radio. The presentation would look too stiff to his audience. He tried to memorize his monologues, but that proved to be too cumbersome of ...

IT #39;S AWESOME AUGUST AGAIN!


Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.<strong>IT'S AWESOME AUGUST AGAINOr, what else did you think it was?</strong><em>**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon</em>August, the eighth month of the year, is to put it bluntly the worst of a long, hot summer or more likely the armpit of an ...

Tom Cruise Renounces Scientology; Becomes Muslim Fundamentalist


Tom Cruise, the biggest male box-office attraction in American cinema, that is, until he recently displayed a variety of astonishingly off-putting antics, has now taken another dramatic step in his imaginative quest to end his career, which was largely based on his once seemingly cute and innocent appeal. Much to ...

Twisted Humor; Socks won #39;t cover this up!


I have had over the years (48 of them) a lot of time to review and participate in many different styles of humor and have studied their various effects on the human psyche. I will convey many of my observations, thoughts and ramblings where humor is involved. Over the next ...

DOG DITTY DAILY #4


Copyright The Quipping Queen 2006. DOG DITTY DAILY #4 A Motivational Moment for Misguided Masters & Mutts Compiled by Hugo Hotagen, DDD (Duke of Doorknobs & Doghouses), a loyal lapdog-in-training apprented to the affable, agnostic and all-round air-headed Court of the Quipping Queen. A quirky, quizzical and sometimes questionable quotidian ...

Evil Super-Villains need Love, Too


I just saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night. Really cool movie. By far the best of the lot. But, of course, the movie gets to the climax where Harry comes face to face with his nemesis Lord Voldemort in a scary graveyard and they have a ...

Why Is There Egg On My Hamburger?


Have you ever had egg and red beet root on your hamburger? I haven't... in fact, when I pulled the top of the bun off my burger at Hungry Jack's and saw not the usual pickle, onion and special sauce, but beet root and a fried egg, you could have ...

What #39;s So Real About Reality TV?


What's So Real About Reality TV? But some are personal growth shows By David Leonhardt Those people who defend the intrusive presence of a television in private homes always seem to cite educational value as its redeeming grace. They mention the documentaries they watch all the time...which explains why The ...

Why you shouldn #39;t drink a pint of cocktail through a funnel!


You may think by the title that this needs little or no explaining, but after my recent experience I feel it my duty to warn you should a similar situation present itself to you. It starts off a normal night drinking, nothing out of the ordinary. Drinking, laughing, music, you ...

Starbucks Going into Hilton


Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong, Crew Member Starbucks is not doing Paris Hilton. What I am saying here is Starbucks will now be offered in some Hilton Hotels. Just think you can watch Paris the skinny blonde babe on your infomercial in room TV ad ...

GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID, #39;THE DEVIL IS IN DE TALES #39;


When in polite society, my grandfather opined, never talk about religion or politics. Then he would dismiss himself from said polite society and talk about nothing but religion and politics.Mostly, he talked about politics and believe me, he had a lot to say on the subject. Much cannot be repeated ...

A PINT OF YOUR BEST BUGBEAR PLEASE


Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.A PINT OF YOUR BEST BUGBEAR PLEASE-- Toorah For Those Tittilating Tag-Names that Come With Your Favorite Grog!--Fascinated as I am with names, I happened upon an article in our thrice-weekly newspaper devoted to tempting the tastebuds of tipplers at a local Beerfest.It seems ...

FAMOUS LAST WORDS


Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.FAMOUS LAST WORDS ...or, are you sure the power is off?By Sherlock Tidpit, a jest-in-time technology expert, (and amateur sci-fi investigator of certain rare extra-terrestrial phenomena such as the timid Stippleback Sourpuss, the ever-elusive, wingless Surly Spatterbug, and the invisible, two-tailed Soiled Specklemonger)A recent survey by ...
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